New Year New Thoughts

I've been listening to a little voice for the past couple of days - you know the one you hear when you least expect it. But this one isn't in my head, it's in my heart.

I've been struggling with trying to give my girls what they need with a sprinkling of what they what and trying to find the balance. Of course, it ended up being some of what they need and most of what they want. My first epiphany was this blog: I've actually started and restarted it a couple of times, not really sure what I wanted it to be or what I could actually do on a regular basis. So all of a sudden while I was taking a shower the other day, my heart-voice said to me "remember the labels and how they made you feel and how they may have ultimately shaped you" and I thought about the references to my girls I made here - The Diva and The Kid - more as silliness, but I know firsthand that labels go deeper than that. Maybe I'm unconsciously giving them an image or set of behaviors to fit into, so I'm going to stop that now!

The Diva will hereafter be known as Samantha (or Sami) and The Kid is Britni. Whew, that feels better already!

Back to what the girls need balanced with what they want. When I was initially diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer the prognosis was very grim. The cancer was advanced and was already spreading and the treatment options were, and still are, relatively limited compared to other types of breast cancer. I have never felt angry or really been depressed, but I do have a fair amount of guilt about the prospect of leaving my kids before I've done what I feel like I need to do - teaching them and helping them become loving, stable, responsible adults. Five years ago I prayed for 10 years of life so I could hopefully accomplish this. I figured at least in 10 years they'd be "legal" adults and they wouldn't have the added trauma of being shuffled off to a relative for a few years. I'm getting off-track....my guilt over getting sick when they were so young caused me to overlook some of their behaviors and let a lot of things slide - I wanted them to have good, happy memories. My heart-voice is telling me that just because I say no doesn't mean the girls will have horrible memories of their mom! I know in my mind kids need and actually want boundaries and guidelines, but my guilt pushed that aside and replaced it with just let them ____________ (fill in the blank with any number of questionable behaviors).

So this is where we are now, the last day of 2008. Sami has pushed her limits way beyond a reasonable amount and I know she's acting out in fear, uncertainty, and a growing independence that comes with being almost 15 - time to start untying the apron strings. Britni has internalized her feelings and is suffering physically with weight and self-esteem issues. I don't make resolutions and I'm not going to start now. What I am going to do is take a fresh new look at the beautiful souls God entrusted to my care and understand that He knows what I am capable of even if I don't and He never makes a mistake. I AM the right mom for these girls and I CAN give them what they need and only SOME of what they want and still be a good mom.

My life truly is blessed and I see it every single day when I get to open my eyes and take a breath, when I hear laughter and excitement in Britni's voice, when I watch Sami roll her eyes at the latest "lame" thing she's seen/heard/read, and every single time they spontaneously share something with me because they don't know how special that is, they just do it to do it and it is wonderful! These are the things I'm taking into 2009 with me and all the rest gets to stay back here in 2008.

Happy New Year and may God bless you every single day!

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you abundant blessings for the coming year!

I'm feeling a little better, although The Diva and I are still not on the same page; I am trying to stay calm and not react so quickly to her missteps. Today we have a few chores around the house to finish up and I have a couple of errands...eewww...I don't want to go out! I'm not a fan of driving anywhere the day after Thanksgiving, the day after Christmas, and New Year's Eve - it's scary out there!!!

Our Christmas was quiet and nice. The Kid gave me one of my favorite movies on DVD - The Incredible Mr. Limpet - I am soooo excited to actually OWN it now after 30+ years of getting to watch it only when it pops up on TV somewhere :)

I'm trying to catch up on a week or so of feeling poorly, and desperately need to reclaim my house! I think this weekend will just be general clearing and putting away of stuff that has just be "set somewhere" and then I'll get into the real cleaning next week - gotta ease in or I'll end up going on a deep cleaning spree that will put me right back in bed! This is one of the times I reallly appreciate FlyLady and her motto - babysteps, you can do anything for 15 minutes!

After I get the kitchen put back together The Kid is going to make the special fudge my Aunt makes every year - we didn't get a chance to visit them on Christmas Eve so she didn't get her quota of gooey sugary stuff :)

I'm off for my first 15 minutes - catch ya later!

Still Not Well, But I'm Here....

I've working through a migraine cycle, usually lasts several days with varying degrees of nastiness. On top of that, The Diva is pushing attitude big time. Not sure what I'm going to do with her while she's out of school for a month!

It's another cold day and I just can't get warm - my hands are so cold I can hardly type so this will be short so as not to risk a page full of typos and/or rambling nonsense because my head is about to explode! If I don't post something I'll get behind and then before you know it I won't be posting at all and this little blog will sit out in the virtual world lonesome and forgotten haha

So the last few days have been very frustrating but I'm trying to let it go so I won't rehash it. I'm sure that's what triggered the migraines but I'm moving past it. 'Nuff said.

The Kid had her winter choir performance last Thursday night - it was interesting. There was not really a theme to it and I was once again disappointed at the striking absence of Christmas in the public schools. Even the Christmas break is now called "winter break." It makes me so sad.

I want to try and bake some cookies today, and maybe some bread or cinnamon rolls. I think a little nap, a hot shower, and a handful of Excedrin and I'll be ready to go LOL

Whatever I end up making, I'll post over on Just Recipes. I have a great recipe for Cashew Fudge, if I can find it ;)

Blessings to all!!

Blah

I don't feel well and I'm in a terrible mood....I'll update this weekend :x

The Spirit Is In Me!

I woke up feeling more energetic and motivated than I have for several days. At least the temperature was above zero lol

I took The Kid to school early today for choir practice and then dropped The Diva off at her school. As I was driving to and from Boulder I was struck, again, by the beauty around me and was so thankful that I can still get up every morning and take care of myself and my kiddos.

As I was leaving The Diva's school, I was also thankful for having access to such a unique school environment for her. This school is unlike any other in the county, in fact, unlike any other that I know about anywhere. She is finisher her first block this week and will have a month off (2 weeks for Christmas break and then a 2 week break before the next block of classes begin). She attends school every day and is excited about her next block of classes - Dance (P.E. class), Psychology, Advanced Lit (a college-level course!), and Physics. It's warms my heart to watch her blossom and use her talents and intelligence in a productive way.

So, all this to say, I was suddenly struck with a compelling need to tell the administrators at this school what a difference their concern and dedication has made in my daughter, and how grateful I am such a school exists. So my task for the rest of this week is to prepare a Christmas platter for the school to deliver on Friday along with my thanks. Now before you think I've gone completely off my rocker, the average number of kids currently in attendance is about 75 with 15 or so staff....this is totally doable!

The talent God puts in our hearts is different for each of us, and in His wisdom He brought together this wonderful group of people with tender hearts for children at risk. I am overwhelmed with the magnitude of this blessing on my family! So I'm about to hit the kitchen with my Living Cookbook, piles of Gladware containers, and a heart so full of thanks for prayers answered and lives blessed that I'm about to burst!

I wish for each of you abundant blessings upon your family this Christmas and a life full of renewed wonder.

Monday Oh Monday

Another Monday, what can I say? It was so cold this morning you could hardly take a breath. I grew up in Colorado, lived here from birth to 23, moved away for 15 years, and have been back 9 years and I have to say of the 30+ years I've known this state, I've never known such bitter cold! It was 11 below zero at 7:30 this morning. Temperatures like that in places like this are just not natural.

I think the cold air froze a lot of brain cells this morning - unbelievable the way some folks were out there racing around in their vehicles. My motto: The point is to get where you're going safe and unharmed, too bad if you're late :) So The Diva got to school 10 minutes late but she was in one piece. As for The Kid, poor child had to wait in the cold for the school bus. I took pity and picked her up from school as it was a whopping ZERO degrees at 3:30 and I couldn't bear the thought of her little feet-- well, ok, not actually "little" -- crunching through the icy snow.

Now we're tucked inside fairly warm and feeling pretty lazy. Subzero temps are not motivating and all I want to do is put on a lot of flannel and burrow into a heap of blankets!

We're going to pig out on decadent baked macaroni-and-cheese. Unfortunately, it's a throw-together-never-exactly-the-same kind of meal so I don't have a real recipe, but if it sounds inticing, try this: 1 pound pasta (tonight I used medium shells), 1/2 cup margarine, 1 cup cottage cheese and then all the extra cheese you have lounging around the fridge LOL Tonight mine is about 1-1/2 cups medium cheddar, 1/2 cup shredded parmesan, 3 slices provolone torn up and placed on top, and sprinkled with about 1 cup of "Fiesta Blend" shredded cheese mix. Mix it all up and put it in a 9x12 pan (sprayed with PAM), cover with foil and bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Guilty pleasure :)

Baby, It's Cold!

Woke up to a balmy 0.5 degrees this morning, glad the kid and I will be baking today! We got maybe 2 inches of snow overnight, and it's the powdery, fluffy stuff that you can just sweep away. Not that I'll be doing that!

Waiting in the wings for today's bake-fest are a variety of cookies, some old some new, and of course, Christmas fudge. The kid is thinking she is the family candidate to take over cookie baking for Gram, so this will be like her dry-run to see if she really wants to do it. A couple of days of baking hundreds of cookies and pounds of fudge sounds glamorous.....

We'll post some pics of the finished products, a taste-test review, and the recipes we used on Just Recipes (link on the right).

Let the games begin!

Plan B

So we were going to go to a Christmas party at L'il Bit's karate school, but silly me, I forgot to ask her if she wanted to go, just assumed she did. Well, she didn't, doesn't, whatever. So now I have nothing planned for dinner since this was a spaghetti-dinner-silent-auction party. Of course, I flung the fridge today (of leftovers haha) so nothing there that will help me out. On to Plan B.

Tomorrow is forecast for a HIGH of 14 degrees...what fool thinks 14 can be considered a high temperature?? Anyway, we're having a major bake-fest here tomorrow because what else can you do during such balmy weather, so a visit to the grocery store is necessary. That's where Plan B comes in ;) Since Friday night is our regular take-out-food-that's-not-really-good-for-you-night, we won't do that again, but I'll grab something I can throw together and we'll have a late dinner while we're sorting our cookie recipes. HA maybe we'll just start making cookies tonight and eat those for dinner :-D

UPDATE: just so you don't really think I fed cookies to my kid for dinner, we had grilled cheese and tomato soup -- and it was yummy!

Recipes Not Here

I decided blogging was so much fun that I needed 2, so I'll post recipes on Just Recipes (link on the right). See you in the kitchen!

Christmas Cookies - well, sort of

HAHA I just got this in my email and thought it was a great way to start off the recipe part of this blog!

Christmas Cookie Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drews criver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Getting Started....

My vision here is to have a fun place to record what happens when life happens! I share my life with two teenage daughters and a corgi/chihuahua, who is my best bud. I can be seen on Twitter, Twittermoms, and Facebook pretty regularly, keeping up with friends and family. I also love to share and swap recipes of all kinds--not Iron Chef caliber, but the kinds of meals you love to serve your family!

I'm generally a pretty happy and positive person and have an unshakeable faith in God, but every once in a while I get frustrated and maybe I'll vent a time or two. Don't worry, it never lasts very long and it doesn't really get too ugly :)

So, let's go, it'll be fun!